It's difficult...

*Whine* It's only Feb and I'm complaining. This year hasn't been easy!

忍

Rough Week

Work week 3 of 2007 and I succumbed - for all my ambitious new year resolutions.. 1st losing my patience with Chen Ying - we still haven't resolved the CTO simulator screwup. Then on Friday afternoon, in a particularly difficult meeting with Helen, I lost my cool 2nd time in 1 week. Didn't even give Monty face - he was in the same meeting. Sigh.

Had a CaFE meeting in church and I got to church early. I was actually quite pissed off at myself for not being able to hold my temper in check. Went to confession and for penance was told to read all of Cor 13.

1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

Moving Pa from Mt Vernon to St Mary of the Angels

Sunday morning 8am, we met at Mt Vernon to break into Pa's niche. Ken had purchased a chisel (guess he watched Prison Break) and we were trying to save and keep Pa's marble slab. I don't know why we wanted to save it, guess we're still nostalgic about Pa after 23 years.

Ken, Ian & Calvin took turns hacking away at the edges - without much progress. We were really disturbing the serenity of Mt Vernon as the high-pitched 'ping' from hammer against chisel was ringing off every single columbarium block. Very jarring against the silence of the early morning.

Finally God gave up on us and sent us a Bangla cleaner - he was sweeping leaves and offered to help, muttering something about us doing it wrong and that we'll never make it that way.

We had to sacrifice the marble slab - he whacked it hard and the marble just crumbles. He even carried Pa's urn down for us (of cos Pa on top floor la...).

Then it onto St Mary's of the Angels. There was a brief internment service and Pa's urn in his new niche in church. We had earlier decided this makes it easier for us to visit and to pray.Calvin & Ian blessing Pa's urn with holy water.

We had earlier visited St Mary's of the Angels' columbarium and really liked it. It's got open roof skylights which opens into a fountain. And the whole place is peaceful withot being scary.

After that, we had a great dimsum lunch together at the Fort Canning Club chinese restaurant.

Fingerboard

I had given Francis a fingerboard couple of years ago - he moved houses and cannot install the fingerboard in his new place. Very generously, he offered to fix it up in my room for me until he moves again - hopefully not for a while :)

After installation, this is how it looks just above my room door.

Unfortunately, my shoulders have been killing me recently, probably only hung off it a couple of times. And I cannot scrunch my abs enough to do a 90degree leg lift... I am growing fat! Wail!

Day time Getai

Walking back to carpark after lunch on Sunday, chanced upon what seemed like a getai in the daytime. Except that instead of sleezy singers, they looked like housewives. I walked closer and read off the banner on the stage - some community centre buddhist group raising funds for typhoon victims in Philippines. Amongst the audience was the ambassador from the Philippines. The things diplomats have to endure for the sake of country, honour and $. Poor guy - his ears are probably still ringing. Mine are...

My 2006

In my typical David Letterman top 10 (ish) style.

What I achieved in 2006

1. survived breaking up with Hon. For the longest time I didn't think I would make it. At every turn, I'd imagine he'd call me & we'll reconcile somehow - after all we had broken up and made up numerous times over the 4 years of being together. In 2006, I survived alone - 1 new year, 1 chinese new year, 1 valentines, 1 birthday, 1 christmas. It was, is still, painfully lonely.
2. keeping my sanity with mom. My mom drives me nuts - she wins hands down the award for "most immature, negative & sarcastic mom". In early 2006, I really wanted to move out. But I also knew that she would not be able to live alone. It was such a difficult decision to stay. Thankfully my brothers understand (empathy is easier when you've successfully moved out) & made attempts to ease things off me, e.g. take her out for dinner whenever they could. The battle continues as sadly I see no way out. Life with mom-bitch carries on...
3. struggling through a very vulnerable faith. In spite of my struggles, God has been great this year. Giving me blessing after blessing in the most obvious way that I cannot but stop and give Him thanks.
4. learning to not regret my decisions. I got a few opportunities for a do-over. E.g. Choon Yee re-entering my life. He's still has this thing for me - probably since when we first met in 1997. And as I couldn't when I told him so in 1998, I still can't imagine being with him. I can't understand it - the man's rich, successful, sweet and loves me! Groan.
5. seeing the world. In 2006, I made 1 trip every month - either a work trip, dive trip - mustered 4 dive trips including diving Manado, weekend getaways mostly to KL to climb and, the highest point - going to Miri to share CaFE.
6. visiting and climbing the Great Wall of China.
7. being patient with people. Learning to accept/appreciate different people for what they are. Francis will live in his own world and no amount of nagging will move him off his procrastination. He will move when he's ready. Helen will continue to be Helen - losing your cool with her doesn't help matters, just cover her mistakes and move on.
8. trusting God. Kuan and Teresa are desperate to be in a relationship, every time I have dinner with them, I end up feeling all panicky that I'm 36 and single. I try to avoid dinners with them now. While I can appreciate the ticking time clock, found myself finding kids cute! *horrors* Instead I will take this to God, that He will provide in His time according to His will.
9. driving in the US. My last trip was THE trip I will try to drive. Eve had everything booked for me. I even had a printed map of how to drive from the airport to the Homewood Suites. It was dangerous - returning the car was the right decision. I was looking at the rear view mirror in the wrong place, I couldn't even keep my car in my lane.
10. buying my own place. TOP Dec 2008. I can't wait.

What I need to work harder on... (2007 goal target)

1. focus on relationships with people. I will one day succeed in being kinder and gentler - esp with the people I don't like.
2. Discipline. Discipline. Discipline.
3. stop gossiping. If I can whinge without getting personal...
4. work on my faith. I pray that God will continue to close to me.
5. 2007 will be a year of uncertainty. The job in Taiwan is still up in the air. I need to keep trusting in God.
6. open. Be open to new things, new events, new way of doing things. Stop being a stick-in-the-mud.
7. be a friend to all.
8. work less. Stop working beyond 6pm every day.
9. sign up for musical keyboard lessons. Something I've said since 1996 - Yamaha I must!
10. drive myself in the US.

Christmas came early this year!

Christmas came early for me.

Today's the last working day of the year for us as the office is shut down between Christmas and New Year. It's really quiet today anyways since many of my co-workers were either on leave already or working from home instead.

I had gone to lunch with Brenda - there were no marketing folks to eat with!

Came back and presto! Someone at work gave me an iPOD Nano for Christmas. Wowee... my jaw dropped.

Houston 10-15 Dec

My first taste of Texas. I was expecting BIG everything - the stereotypical Texan cowboy with big words. But I never saw that. Nobody I spoke with - from hotel clerks to mall staff, nobody even had a Southern drawl. No cowboys nor boots with spurs too. Hmmm... It just looked very US.

Eve had me all setup in a great hotel - Homewood Suites and a car. But I was feeling sick before I left & worse by the time I arrived at midnight. Decided the safest thing was - shuttle. Thankfully Benoit from EMEA was staying at the same hotel, so I managed to get free rides around. Plus the Frenchies were a pretty entertaining lot.

The best part about the hotel - next door to Willowbrook Mall. Got my Christmas shopping done :)

Bring CaFE to Miri, Sarawak 1-4 Dec

In my usual fashion, I had to want to do everything and was so busy right up to the last moments before leaving for Miri. Meeting time was 8.30am at Novena Church, but I HAD to stay longer on the Procurement update, HAD to send out a few last emails on SCV. At 8.30am before leaving for Sarawak, I was already exhausted. Didn't help we flew el cheapo Air Asia thru Senai, JB to Miri, Sarawak. By the time we arrived at Miri, it was evening.

Thankfully I had really low/zero expectations, cos our rooms at the Kingwood Inn is absolutely dismal - it was disgusting actually. Barely tolerable.

But everything else went so smooth, it was truly God in action.

My first thoughts - sitting here after my 1st good clean shower in days.
- the great enthusiasm for CaFE just blows my mind. From the youths of Brunei (I love them!), the Kuching team, the Ipoh team, 1 incredibly brave Felicity intending to start CaFE singlehanded in very very Islamic (PAS run) Trengganu. I salute them all. If put in their shoes, I would not have stood up as valiantly as them.

- how God loves me. He knew what I struggled with. And He provides over and above. From the overwhelming hospitality of our Miri hosts - we feasted (and this is an understatement) on every meal from the moment we arrive, right until the last moment of leaving for the airport.

- That Singaporeans take our blessings for granted. Our religious freedom, having 30 churches with numerous Sunday masses, our beautiful & very comfortable airconditioned churches, our creature comforts, our high quality of life - I never thanked God for all these. Until I realised what my new friends in Brunei, Sarawak, Ipoh, Kuching, Trengganu don't have.

Picture of the Cathedral in Miri, Sarawak. It is so spartan - really old wooden pews (I had some bird poo on my right knee after mass, eee), bare concrete floors.

- That I can be such a whiner. When did I grew so selfish and spoilt? I am so good at whining to God and to anybody within earshot what I lack & exactly what I want. Not being thankful for my blessings is 1 thing, but I can imagine what a pain in the a** Gwen must feel!

- I'm a little tired from the physical exertions of travel to think about my spirituality. I owe Gwen that as homework. Need to pray and feel about that.

Do I regret missing the Standard Chartered Marathon this weekend? NO.

Wayne Muller's "Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in our Busy Lives"

This is excellent. So me and so common among Singaporeans today.

• Sabbath need not be a year or even a day. It can also be an afternoon, an hour, a walk, a dinner. Sabbath is a time when we drink, if only for a few moments, from the fountain of rest and delight. It is a time to listen to what is most deeply beautiful, nourishing, and true.

• Sabbath is different kind of fertility; it honours the wisdom of dormancy. If certain plant species do not lie dormant for winter, they will not bear fruit in spring. A period of rest, within which our roots quietly take in nourishment, is the key to health. Like plants, we too must have periods in which we lie fallow and silently nourish our roots.

• We are almost always running, trying to catch the things that will make us happy when, in fact, those very things are trying to catch us!

• God said: "Remember to rest." This is not a lifestyle suggestion, but a commandment, as important as not stealing, not murdering, or not lying.

Weekend on a bus

I spent all weekend on a bus. Out of 48 hours of a weekend, I spent 14 hours sitting on a bus - 30% of the weekend.

Yes, it was meant to be a sequel to the very successful wknd climb getaway that I did in Aug - Camp 5 in KL.
But this trip didn't start off so well...
1. group was larger, up to 10 until Francis backed out last minute as he had chicken pox.. eee...
2. we got really slow bus drivers. It took 7.5 hours to hit KL and 6.5 hours to return. Groan...

But the climbing was still excellent. Despite not having climbed for weeks, I still made 2 6b leads. The routes are so good there. And we got to eat at Overseas... yummy! Kiasu me called to book 2 days earlier :) It never disappoints. A MUST DO for anyone who goes to KL. But pls, book in advance.

Overseas Restaurant
84 - 88 , Jalan Imbi
Kuala Lumpur
Tel No: 03 - 2148 7567

But I am really suffering from the lack of sleep now... zzz...

Back from MDM Summit in Bangkok

Was a great past week in Bangkok. Hosting MDM summit here is nerve-racking enough. But our hotel was so beautiful, the Lebua and to top it off, I got the master bedroom to myself - thank you Joan & also Terence & Andy who had to share a room.

Plus I have this view of the Chao Phrya river....

I literally sobbed when I had to go home.


Overall, we could've improved the transitions in organising the MDM summit. We kept having groups lost - the people we appointed to lead the various groups during breakouts etc were so unreliable! But otherwise, all went well and the feedback from feedback forms were good.

Saturday, the last day was my birthday. The team came up late night Friday with a cake.. aww... followed by 3 hours of ban-luck into the wee hours of Saturday. And I lost 300Bt to Jason Teo - the man is soooo lucky!

Miri 1-4 Dec

I had a clash - the CAFE team going to Miri 1-4 Dec and the Standard Chartered marathon on 4 Dec.

Was all prepared to skip the Miri trip as Gwen had enough resources... but now it seems I have to go as well.

Bought my Air Asia ticket last night, 480RM (price had increased 50RM) as with all budget carriers, the earlier you book, the cheaper it is...

This year is really bad - I skipped the Corporate Triathlon, and now the StanChart marathon.

Only consolation - don't have to train anymore...

Cyling P. Ubin 28 Oct

Went cycling with uncle along with Derek, Bill and Derek's 16-year old nephew Davis.

Mom tagged along but chilled at a coffeeshop.

With a 16-year old more used to computer games and a 50-year old uncle in tow, I expected a relatively easy ride. But as we got on our $5 per day rental mt bikes, Derek & uncle (the oldest 2 in the group) jumped onto the trail and disappeared from view...

Once deep within the forests, with the clean fresh smell of the trees, it was wonderful. I didn't realise how much I loved trees!

Unfortunately, we had an accident. Way too much testerone in the group, we were cycling mostly pretty fast. Davis is not a very competent mt biker and was pretty reckless. We were trying to get to Chek Jawa when he took a downhill turn too fast and crash landed. Suffered grazes on both palms and on his hip. Poor kid looked close to tears.

We cycled back slowly after that, returned the rental bikes and stuffed ourselves silly with seafood & wild boar. Hint - skip boar meat, only the mangy strays begging for scraps loved it.

Four Seasons of a Tree

Four Seasons of a Tree

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.
There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn to
not judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in
turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in
summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted.

The second son said no - it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed, he said it was laden with blossoms that
smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful
thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping
with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because
they had each seen but one season in the tree's life.
He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one
season, and that the essence of who they are - and the pleasure, joy,
and love that come from that life - can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your
spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall. Don't let
the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.

This really got me thinking.. what season is my life in right now. And that life should be taken in a broader perspective, as a greater whole, that there are 4 seasons in a tree.

Uncle in town Oct 26-30

My uncle's in town - he came yesterday. While I like the man, but it is already a bit much. Need to chat with him from the moment I step home until midnight. Getting a bit much for a grumpy person like me who hardly talks once home.

Will I be able to stay cordial enough for the next few days? Will I remain sane? Will it be possible?

Tough questions...

Need space!

Seems like lately, I've been requiring space - a great deal of space. The song from Sting a long time ago...
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me

Maybe I just need a holiday... Sigh!

Psalm 37:5

Commit your way to the LORD;trust in him, and he will act.

... hmm.. you think God is trying to say something here?

Philippians 4:19

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Record breaking system team meeting

System team meeting ended at 9.26am this morning. I was on the phone for almost 2 hours. A record!