Women Retreat at the St Ignatius spirtuality center

I declined the climb til your fingers break weekend with the gang.  And opportunistically, got an email invite from Diana Koh to join a long weekend retreat for women by women lay spiritual directors.  Since I am in a state of flux, I thought, perfect, time to spend the long weekend in deep prayer with God.

 

I admit, I wasn't good.  I checked in, found myself short of cash to pay for the weekend.  Right after lunch, I snucked out to the nearest ATM, ate ice cream by Ice Creamery nearby before returning to church reluctantly.  I snucked in naps during personal reflection time etc.. Alright alright, the solitary got to me cos it was a semi-silent retreat.  Which means, we did not talk at all the whole 3 days!

 

But I gained so much and am so glad I took the weekend out.  Especially :

• Ignatian contemplation is interesting.  I need to go find out more.  I always thought it was too severe or too tedious.  That God loves us and WANTS us to draw near to Him, why bother to make it so tough?  But there are some interesting points Diana brought up. 
• That prayer is quantity time, not quality time with Him.  Just give Him the time and who's to judge quality.  Which is so true.  Esp for someone who prays at the end of the day like me, it's like giving God the scraps from the day... ouch.
• And I had abandonment issues.  Whew!  That while I will accept love, I do it to a limited degree only as an internal mechanism to protect myself.  This is a result of my dad dying on me!  Well, I'm sure he didn't choose to die on me... but nontheless.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abandoned_child_syndrome  So some of the symptoms are listed here... I have a close friend whose parents divorced some years back.  I'm pretty sure she suffers from this.  She displays some of the symptoms (different from mine) listed.
• That our God loves us very much, each and every one of us.  And that He loves us in numerous ways everyday, in the sunrise, in the morning breeze, in the bird's chirping. 
• One of the presenters taught us this.  Be aware always, and to choose love, choose life, choose Him.  It's from Galatians... I'll need to refer to my notes later.  Her point is, in everything we do and say, be aware and choose the response that is for Christ/for love.  So if you start an argument with a family member e.g. choose the path that ends with love, perhaps give in even if you are right.  Which I really liked cos I've been struggling with this for a bit.  I feel we ought to be encouraging and supportive of each other, ie choosing life and love.  Not do the typical Singaporean talk which is somewhere between sarcasm and taunting.

Final word on which ministry.  I had expressed fears to my assigned SD that I did not want to return to my old ministry mostly because I have recurrent nightmares about returning to life circa 2007.  She said that sometimes the ministry you are in is required by God - as a gem being polished.  Hmm... Never saw it that way.

 

O and about returning to life circa 2007, fact is I have changed.  I'm not the same Felicia I was pre-Taiwan.  Sure I remember the past hurts and all, but I've taken it all in stride, changed and moved on.  Just dislike it when people from my old life assumes they know me well.

 

More later, I'm busy >_<