Ok I lifted this from a FB post, but it's hilarious!
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly since most of the people have already left.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides 'baklava'.
PEW: a medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot
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