Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Stuck indoors again - typhoon no. 4
Typhoon Jangmi approaches -4th typhoon to hit us this year and also the strongest storm. It made landfall in Yilan, where the Central Mountain Range buffet the biggest impact.We've had typhoons hit us every weekend in succession. The land's still pretty waterlogged in the mountainous areas and low lying areas. Lots of landslides plus shaky bridges are still unfixed - a bridge in Taichung collapsed during last week's typhoon, rescue workers are still trawling for the bodies of the 4 missing people. May God have mercy on their souls and their bodies be recovered quickly so that loved ones have closure. This time around, the authorities are more conservative and took better preparations. Thus far, things are better.
Jangmi typhoon kicked up winds up to 250km hit northern Taiwan, Hurricane Ike which caused so much devastation in Texas was only up to 233km/h. In Hualien, a tour bus flipped over on its side - just shows how bad the wind was - fortunately no deaths.
Before the typhoon hit, yesterday, I was in Fulong 福隆 yesterday (Sat) with Rae, Alex and Pingfan for some cycling off the North-East coast of Taiwan. A newly restored old train tunnel - the Caoling Tunnel 
is also the basis of an old Taiwanese folk song. In fact Rae sang almost the entire song as we cycled through it. It's about 4.6km and then we went back to Fulong for the famed Fulong biantang 便當. 
is also the basis of an old Taiwanese folk song. In fact Rae sang almost the entire song as we cycled through it. It's about 4.6km and then we went back to Fulong for the famed Fulong biantang 便當. 
Then we cycled in the opposite direction intending to cross a nice drawbridge. But we missed a turn and gave up after the scenary turned industrial. Plus it got dangerous when the traffic around us were mostly semi-trailers.
I was a little wobbly initially - having not cycled in a while. Rae cycled behind me, yelling warnings at me every so often - 小心！Disclaimer - I was preoccupied with the scenary and wasn't watching the front too often. In fact at 1 stage, I got too close to Pingfan and our tires met briefly. All she yelled was, 请不要碰我！The Taiwanese sense of humour is really subtle. Kills me everytime.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Emotions, feelings... groan!
All this Aunt Agony moments I keep having is starting to grate on me. It's either that the girls in the office are younger with an active social life or that I'm just in the office a lot/online so much that I get dumped with these moments.
Looking back, I realise that I've endured that a lot - my whole life in fact, I've spent many hours sitting around and being that listening ear.
The thing is, it doesn't make me feel good - if anything, it reminds me how much I lack in terms of BGR (boy-girl relationships). I only had 1 serious relationship with Hon - and he left me in the end. And late at nights, alone, all these come back to me in the form of inadequacy - how lonely I am and how much I want to have my own family - husband and kids.
Maybe this is mid-life crisis and singlehood for too long - all rolled up into 1 messy me.
Gah! Does the good Lord hear prayers anymore?!
Oh and I finally got around to parking the Snow Mountain trip pictures. Due to typhoon, we weren't granted a permit to climb the Eastern Peak which was the plan. But since we were already there, it became a camping trip. The views of the Snow Mountain area are really spectacular, a pity we didn't make the summit.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8062670@N07/sets/72157607431238395/
Looking back, I realise that I've endured that a lot - my whole life in fact, I've spent many hours sitting around and being that listening ear.
The thing is, it doesn't make me feel good - if anything, it reminds me how much I lack in terms of BGR (boy-girl relationships). I only had 1 serious relationship with Hon - and he left me in the end. And late at nights, alone, all these come back to me in the form of inadequacy - how lonely I am and how much I want to have my own family - husband and kids.
Maybe this is mid-life crisis and singlehood for too long - all rolled up into 1 messy me.
Gah! Does the good Lord hear prayers anymore?!
Oh and I finally got around to parking the Snow Mountain trip pictures. Due to typhoon, we weren't granted a permit to climb the Eastern Peak which was the plan. But since we were already there, it became a camping trip. The views of the Snow Mountain area are really spectacular, a pity we didn't make the summit.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8062670@N07/sets/72157607431238395/
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Divorce and reality
Recently 2 friends got divorced. Both of whom are great, really nice people married to seemingly nice decent men. What's happening today?
While the Church's stand is pretty clear, the rising number of annulment it grants is also a telling story. http://www.catholicinsight.com/online/church/divorce/c_annul.shtml
To those going through/midst of divorce, may the good Lord stand by you, strengthen and be with you.
While the Church's stand is pretty clear, the rising number of annulment it grants is also a telling story. http://www.catholicinsight.com/online/church/divorce/c_annul.shtml
To those going through/midst of divorce, may the good Lord stand by you, strengthen and be with you.
My Assimilation is Complete
Found myself downloading Jay Chou music on a Sat morning... I hereby pronounce myself truly assimilated to life in Taiwan.Ignore the fact that just 2 days ago in China, the factory guys thought I was some ABC (American born Chinese).. Boo! They all came up to me speaking really stilted English cos someone told them that I don't speak Chinese. I'll kill whoever that's spreading such vicious rumours...
It was supposed to be a fun island weekend on Orchid Island. But as it turns out, Typhoon Sinlaku has other ideas.
Let's just say, there were some pretty long faces in the office yesterday. Those of us "supposed" to be lying on the beaches of Orchid Island.
And I have no clue what to do this really wet and windy weekend... lie in bed somemore or hit the gym..
PS I bought a bag for mom in Shanghai - and thanks Steph, but I made it safely out without any dramatics.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Citibank - my credit card of choice (again)
Thank you Mr Pradeep Pant - VP of Credit Cards Taiwan and his assistant Sophia.
My faith in Citibank Taiwan is reinstated.
My faith in Citibank Taiwan is reinstated.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Pick me up Tuesday
It's a Tuesday night and Emily wanted to order pizza and work late today again - I refused! Managed to convince her to go out eat, then return to work. We went to eat 小籠包 near Guting MRT station. And feeling poor after buying some hiking gear (we're going to Jade Mountain in Oct! I bought a new Lafuma jacket and she hiking boots), we walked to take the MRT instead of our usual taxi after dinner. Plus we overate - ok ok, that's the real reason. We were too stuffed and needed to walk off our bloated bellies.
She pointed down 1 dark dank lane and said, hey massage place. Now those 2 words are magic to me, so I walked down with her. She is right, the lane was pretty interesting. It has an antique shop, very traditional provisions shop (with all the 7-11s and 24hr convenience stores in Taiwan, it survived!), some quaint old buildings. While walking back out to the main street, we saw this interesting shop. I thought it was Japanese curios, Emily though jewellery, it was a very high class Japanese styled desserts. All hand sculptured. You have to see to believe how pretty they are. Fillings range from redbean to green bean to some jelly. We ate 1, the yellow bird. It tasted really good! The owner came out to chat, she spent 2 years in Japan learning the craft. And it takes up to 15mins to make a single complicated one. Makes for good gifts. Might buy some for Michelle when I next go home. The store is called Tang Ho 唐和.
She pointed down 1 dark dank lane and said, hey massage place. Now those 2 words are magic to me, so I walked down with her. She is right, the lane was pretty interesting. It has an antique shop, very traditional provisions shop (with all the 7-11s and 24hr convenience stores in Taiwan, it survived!), some quaint old buildings. While walking back out to the main street, we saw this interesting shop. I thought it was Japanese curios, Emily though jewellery, it was a very high class Japanese styled desserts. All hand sculptured. You have to see to believe how pretty they are. Fillings range from redbean to green bean to some jelly. We ate 1, the yellow bird. It tasted really good! The owner came out to chat, she spent 2 years in Japan learning the craft. And it takes up to 15mins to make a single complicated one. Makes for good gifts. Might buy some for Michelle when I next go home. The store is called Tang Ho 唐和.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Sunday - Fitness 0, Culture 2
The excesses of the week caught up with me. Basketball with Paula (from the office) til late on Friday and some really hard routes at the Wanhua rock gym Sat morning plus the preparation run sessions I had all week over lunch -> it all took it's toil on me. I forget sometimes that my body is aging faster than my mind. Or is it the other way around... hmm...
In any case, I overslept my Nike Run on Sunday morning. I was all prepared! I was eager, I was excited, I was tired. I woke up with a start and it was 6.14am. Grr! And the weather was beautiful! And it was a new route - a 10km run! And the president of Taiwan ran too!
So when I met Ghee Hwee for church and lunch at 10-ish, I was super grumpy. Pissed at myself. Dumped on her and felt much better by end of Sunday. Poor Ghee Hwee...
Complained to her thru lunch and by the time the ballet started, I felt much better. :)
Oh yeah, we caught a ballet. The Russian Ballet was in town, we caught the Nutcracker Suite by Tchaikovsky. It was simply fantastic. I yelled bravo at the end of the performance, much to Ghee Hwee's consternation - she hissed 'this is a classy place!' at me.
We walked around the area afterwards and realised the Woolly Mammoth exhibits were on display at the Chiang Kai Shek memorial hall (just behind the National Theatre where the ballet performance was). It was ok, just a bunch of tasks and fur and lots of teeth. I guess a lot's lost in translation - it was almost 100% in Chinese.
Fitness 0 (for missing the 10k run)
Culture 2
Not a bad weekend.
In any case, I overslept my Nike Run on Sunday morning. I was all prepared! I was eager, I was excited, I was tired. I woke up with a start and it was 6.14am. Grr! And the weather was beautiful! And it was a new route - a 10km run! And the president of Taiwan ran too!
So when I met Ghee Hwee for church and lunch at 10-ish, I was super grumpy. Pissed at myself. Dumped on her and felt much better by end of Sunday. Poor Ghee Hwee...
Complained to her thru lunch and by the time the ballet started, I felt much better. :)
Oh yeah, we caught a ballet. The Russian Ballet was in town, we caught the Nutcracker Suite by Tchaikovsky. It was simply fantastic. I yelled bravo at the end of the performance, much to Ghee Hwee's consternation - she hissed 'this is a classy place!' at me.
We walked around the area afterwards and realised the Woolly Mammoth exhibits were on display at the Chiang Kai Shek memorial hall (just behind the National Theatre where the ballet performance was). It was ok, just a bunch of tasks and fur and lots of teeth. I guess a lot's lost in translation - it was almost 100% in Chinese.
Fitness 0 (for missing the 10k run)
Culture 2
Not a bad weekend.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Window Cleaners
I was in the pantry with Emily this afternoon. She was whinging about how difficult the HP digital camera was to use while as usual I ignored her and made tea.
Then these 2 guys popped up and she snapped this shot - they actually posed for us.
Ain't it cool?
Monday, August 25, 2008
Wild Wet Weekend
As you can see, I spent my weekend, skipping rocks, platform diving, sliding/floating/bumping my butts in a stream. Well actually 2 streams...
I went with Rae, Alex and Emily to Miaoli, 2 hours drive south-west of Taipei. It's called 溯溪 or River tracing, popular in Taiwan.
We were deep in Ayatal aboriginal lands, nestled amongst the beautiful mountains, where the air is pure, the stream waters icy cold and crystal clear, with birds & insects chirping and the sounds of water gushing down waterfalls... Being one with nature, and I loved it!
Altogether we walked in 2 streams. A baby one on Saturday and a much harder one with bigger rapids on Sunday. Thankfully I bought new booties just before the trip that comes with green-wool sponge attached. It's uniquely Taiwanese and creates very good grip on slippery rocks.
My camera isn't waterproof - but the others in the group had great pictures -http://photo.pchome.com.tw/spark00/082/
I really enjoyed the weekend, the only thing that got me was the icy water temperature 22degrees.. brr!
After all that activity, I managed a nap, ahhh... 
Monday, August 18, 2008
A Season for Everything
Ecclesiastes - Chapter 3:1 to 8
There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.
A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
I went back last week to attend the funeral of my beh-day (or Eldest uncle in Hainanese) - Cheng Sim Kin.
After my paternal grandparents passed away, he has assumed the role of patriach the last 3 decades, and he did so dutifully, responsibly, cheerfully, quietly.
So he returns to Jesus and we're left behind to pick up the pieces. Pls keep the Chengs in prayer. It was especially hard on the immediate family - my aunty and cousins.
So he returns to Jesus and we're left behind to pick up the pieces. Pls keep the Chengs in prayer. It was especially hard on the immediate family - my aunty and cousins.
Friday, August 08, 2008
Happy Birthday Singapore!
To 43 years of nation building - Majulah Singapura!
Funnily enough, it took me being out of my homeland to discover how much I love my country.
I had the national flag as my MSN picture since yesterday and was feeling all patriotic and all.
Over my boring lunch hour (I should be in the gym, I know, I know) I browsed Mr Brown and it killed me - I had to seriously stifle my giggles. http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/2008/08/singaporeans-in.html
To all your Singaporeans overseas - stand up and sing in 1 voice "count on me singapore!" cos the cold & paternalistic government of ours certainly couldn't care less.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Climbing 七星山 - tallest mountain in Taipei City
Finally I made it up 七星山 or 7Stars Mountain - which at 1120m is the tallest mountain in the district of Taipei City. We took about 2 hrs to huff and puff up and slightly over an hour to walk down. It was a beautiful walk up. After the midway point, we were enveloped in the clouds - the pictures I took doesn't do the place justice. It was simply heaven on earth. 
After the walk, Peter scootered over the other side to show me 擎天崗 or Jintiangang. That's our next planned walk ;)
Monday, July 28, 2008
Lazy week out of office
Out of office all week!
At Green Island decadently lazing/diving/eating/sleeping til Tue. Wed to Fri at a Marketing training + offsite.
Monday (today) is declared a holiday all Taiwan, we're cowering at home from Typhoon Fung-Wong. At this current moment, the eye of the storm is in Hualien - I suppose cows are flying about there... 
I should take that bad. The farmers and people of Taichung/central Taiwan already suffered floodings from heavy rains brought by the last typhoon - Typhoon Kalmaegi which hit 18 Jul. I saw on TV these same people again evacuated last night for fear of landslides and floods. My heart/prayer goes out to them.
Green Island is being battered bad right now too - pictures on TV shows waves of up to 3 stories high...
I still have 2 calls today : system team meeting at 2.30pm and a regular conf call with Houston at 10pm.
First up, nap... zzz
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Green Island - Part Deux
Right on the heels of Typhoon Kalmaegi, I went to Green Island for a bit of diving with Emily, Rae and Alex. Emily was going to take her open water diving certification while the others were in for a bit of a beach holiday.
Sunday
1st dive - Loumen Rock. It was fantastic - I saw a sea snake, moray eels, lots of fish and corals...
Monday
3 dives in total. Best dive ever - Cathedral/Dabaisha. Simply awesome. I saw a turtle, moray eels, 2 lion fish, schools of fish, and dove thru tunnels and channels and into the Cathedral - a cave with just 1 ray of light shining from a opening in the ceiling.
Tuesday
2 more dives, with my newly certified dive buddy Emily. At 1 point, she sank like a rock to the sea bed and didn't move for a couple of minutes. Everyone froze - we thought she's dead. And then, tadah! She suddenly waved a bit of dead coral at us - she was trying to show us she too can pick up shells/corals :) We're still laughing about it.
Here's us - the happy divers. From L-R : Vero Chiang (dive master), me, Tobias (an application scientist from Germany), Emily (the rock), Vincent (dive instructor).
The folks at Blue Safari are a very professional outfit. I highly recommend them. Both Vero and Vincent speak English. The Blue Safari is the only dive center on Green Island that is PADI certified. They also have accomodations - just call Vero to arrange everything.
It was a such a blast going with my coworkers - they did everything! All the legwork, the bookings, arrangements... And all that easy bantering, it was a really good break. Thank you guys - you are wonderful!
More pix here -
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8062670@N07/sets/72157606332506151/
I knew I was in for a good time when our main preoccupation rushing after work on Friday evening to the train station was whether we had enough time to buy biandangs. We did. It required a slow jog to the train platform though.. As we approached the platform, I looked up and saw we had 4 mins to make the train and Alex wasn't there yet. Rae started to call him and then Emily asked if I wanted a hotdog. Yeah, it was a weekend of eating, having fun and great diving.
I really needed a break after the last few difficult weeks... And these guys were really fun. Unlike my 1st trip to Green Island, this trip I got to see the rugged beauty of the island. The views were simply breath-taking, especially from Niutou Hill. I spent all Sat/Sun just exploring the island, soaking in the hotsprings, snorkeling, napping... It was really therapeutic. Rae and Alex left on Sun afternoon and I took my 1st dive then.Sunday
1st dive - Loumen Rock. It was fantastic - I saw a sea snake, moray eels, lots of fish and corals...
Monday
3 dives in total. Best dive ever - Cathedral/Dabaisha. Simply awesome. I saw a turtle, moray eels, 2 lion fish, schools of fish, and dove thru tunnels and channels and into the Cathedral - a cave with just 1 ray of light shining from a opening in the ceiling.
Tuesday
2 more dives, with my newly certified dive buddy Emily. At 1 point, she sank like a rock to the sea bed and didn't move for a couple of minutes. Everyone froze - we thought she's dead. And then, tadah! She suddenly waved a bit of dead coral at us - she was trying to show us she too can pick up shells/corals :) We're still laughing about it.
Here's us - the happy divers. From L-R : Vero Chiang (dive master), me, Tobias (an application scientist from Germany), Emily (the rock), Vincent (dive instructor).
The folks at Blue Safari are a very professional outfit. I highly recommend them. Both Vero and Vincent speak English. The Blue Safari is the only dive center on Green Island that is PADI certified. They also have accomodations - just call Vero to arrange everything.
It was a such a blast going with my coworkers - they did everything! All the legwork, the bookings, arrangements... And all that easy bantering, it was a really good break. Thank you guys - you are wonderful!
More pix here -
http://www.flickr.com/photos/8062670@N07/sets/72157606332506151/
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Pressure & blessings
During a meeting last Friday with my new boss - he was asking some really pointed questions regarding my platform and seriously, I didn't have an answer, started to sweat a little and feel really guilty. When my heart was pounding faster, it hit me that, hey I've not felt this way in a long time!
Work here is generally slower-paced and less pressurizing that what I've been used to. Inspite of my whining, I am blessed to be in this job.
The only down side is the people - but oh well, you can't have everything in life.
Karine - no regrets being here and thanks, still grateful to you for helping me get this job.
And one more icing on the cake - Star World made it's reappearance on my cable TV. It just suddenly appeared. No need to download Grey's Anatomy anymore! Yay!
Work here is generally slower-paced and less pressurizing that what I've been used to. Inspite of my whining, I am blessed to be in this job.
The only down side is the people - but oh well, you can't have everything in life.
Karine - no regrets being here and thanks, still grateful to you for helping me get this job.
And one more icing on the cake - Star World made it's reappearance on my cable TV. It just suddenly appeared. No need to download Grey's Anatomy anymore! Yay!
Monday, July 07, 2008
Happy Belated Birthday Peter
Happy Birthday Peter! Here he is, wolfing down his birthday burger. Incidentally he washed it down with 5 glasses of Fanta Orange in a bid to beat my record* (* my coworkers and I eat at Chillis a lot over lunch and because drinks are free refills we always joke about drinking as much as we can - our record has been 4 glasses)Seriously, I wouldn't drink that many Fanta Orange... Sprite perhaps *wink*
Peter and I arranged to go hike up 7Stars mountain at Yangminshan but it looked like rain, so we decided not to chance it.
Peter suggested visiting this place for views of the sun set - Dadaocheng 大稻埕 translated literally into "big rice-drying field". Off Wikipedia, this is an area of historial importance as an important trading port in the 19th century - particularly with tea exports. It's a nice trail alongside the Danshui River, people biking/walking/jogging along the banks. And when the sun started to set over the other bank beyond Shilin...
Simply gorgeous view of the sunset... More pix here - http://www.flickr.com/photos/8062670@N07/sets/72157606031769473/
Oh and I caught Sex and the City with Ghee Hwee and Amanda. It was funny, but also brought back memories of Hon. We used to watch with a bunch of friends in the early years over lots of booze... Those earlier truly fun filled hedonistic days of old.
An Ideal Husband
This was forwarded to me by Ms HardCore - ironically her dad forwarded it to her. This goes out in particular to my single girlfriends...
An Ideal Husband
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: July 6, 2008
This weekend, we celebrate our great American pastime: messy celebrity divorces.
There's the Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook fireworks on Long Island and the Madonna/Guy Ritchie/A-Rod Roman candle in New York.
So how do you avoid a relationship where you end up saying, "The man who I was living with, I just didn't know who he was" — as Brinkley did in court when talking about her husband's $3,000-a-month Internet porn and swinger site habit? (Not to mention the 18-year-old mistress/assistant.)
Father Pat Connor, a 79-year-old Catholic priest born in Australia and based in Bordentown, N.J., has spent his celibate life — including nine years as a missionary in India — mulling connubial bliss. His decades of marriage counseling led him to distill some "mostly common sense" advice about how to dodge mates who would maul your happiness.
"Hollywood says you can be deeply in love with someone and then your marriage will work," the twinkly eyed, white-haired priest says. "But you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married."
For 40 years, he has been giving a lecture — "Whom Not to Marry" — to high school seniors, mostly girls because they're more interested.
"It's important to do it before they fall seriously in love, because then it will be too late," he explains. "Infatuation trumps judgment."
I asked him to summarize his talk:
"Never marry a man who has no friends," he starts. "This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, 'Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,' what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can't render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment.
"Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that founder do so because of money — she's thrifty, he's on his 10th credit card.
"Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It's good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it's your husband.
"Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn't consult you, he consults his mother. (I've known cases where the mother accompanies the couple on their honeymoon!)
"Does he have a sense of humor? That covers a multitude of sins. My mother was once asked how she managed to live harmoniously with three men — my father, brother and me. Her answer, delivered with awesome arrogance, was: 'You simply operate on the assumption that no man matures after the age of 11.' My father fell about laughing.
"A therapist friend insists that 'more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.' The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive. That world-class misogynist, Paul of Tarsus, got it right when he said, 'In all your dealings with one another, speak the truth to one another in love that you may grow up.'
"Don't marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He's a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he'll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.
"Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you'll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women. Kay made a monstrous mistake marrying Michael Corleone! Is there a history of divorce in the family? An atmosphere of racism, sexism or prejudice in his home? Are his goals and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? I remember counseling a pious Catholic woman that it might not be prudent to marry a pious Muslim, whose attitude about women was very different. Love trumped prudence; the annulment process was instigated by her six months later.
"Imagine a religious fundamentalist married to an agnostic. One would have to pray that the fundamentalist doesn't open the Bible and hit the page in which Abraham is willing to obey God and slit his son's throat.
"Finally: Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?
"After I regale a group with this talk, the despairing cry goes up: 'But you've eliminated everyone!' Life is unfair."
An Ideal Husband
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: July 6, 2008
This weekend, we celebrate our great American pastime: messy celebrity divorces.
There's the Christie Brinkley/Peter Cook fireworks on Long Island and the Madonna/Guy Ritchie/A-Rod Roman candle in New York.
So how do you avoid a relationship where you end up saying, "The man who I was living with, I just didn't know who he was" — as Brinkley did in court when talking about her husband's $3,000-a-month Internet porn and swinger site habit? (Not to mention the 18-year-old mistress/assistant.)
Father Pat Connor, a 79-year-old Catholic priest born in Australia and based in Bordentown, N.J., has spent his celibate life — including nine years as a missionary in India — mulling connubial bliss. His decades of marriage counseling led him to distill some "mostly common sense" advice about how to dodge mates who would maul your happiness.
"Hollywood says you can be deeply in love with someone and then your marriage will work," the twinkly eyed, white-haired priest says. "But you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married."
For 40 years, he has been giving a lecture — "Whom Not to Marry" — to high school seniors, mostly girls because they're more interested.
"It's important to do it before they fall seriously in love, because then it will be too late," he explains. "Infatuation trumps judgment."
I asked him to summarize his talk:
"Never marry a man who has no friends," he starts. "This usually means that he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands. I am always amazed at the number of men I have counseled who have no friends. Since, as the Hebrew Scriptures say, 'Iron shapes iron and friend shapes friend,' what are his friends like? What do your friends and family members think of him? Sometimes, your friends can't render an impartial judgment because they are envious that you are beating them in the race to the altar. Envy beclouds judgment.
"Does he use money responsibly? Is he stingy? Most marriages that founder do so because of money — she's thrifty, he's on his 10th credit card.
"Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours. It's good to have a doormat in the home, but not if it's your husband.
"Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings? When he wants to make a decision, say, about where you should go on your honeymoon, he doesn't consult you, he consults his mother. (I've known cases where the mother accompanies the couple on their honeymoon!)
"Does he have a sense of humor? That covers a multitude of sins. My mother was once asked how she managed to live harmoniously with three men — my father, brother and me. Her answer, delivered with awesome arrogance, was: 'You simply operate on the assumption that no man matures after the age of 11.' My father fell about laughing.
"A therapist friend insists that 'more marriages are killed by silence than by violence.' The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive. That world-class misogynist, Paul of Tarsus, got it right when he said, 'In all your dealings with one another, speak the truth to one another in love that you may grow up.'
"Don't marry a problem character thinking you will change him. He's a heavy drinker, or some other kind of addict, but if he marries a good woman, he'll settle down. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.
"Take a good, unsentimental look at his family — you'll learn a lot about him and his attitude towards women. Kay made a monstrous mistake marrying Michael Corleone! Is there a history of divorce in the family? An atmosphere of racism, sexism or prejudice in his home? Are his goals and deepest beliefs worthy and similar to yours? I remember counseling a pious Catholic woman that it might not be prudent to marry a pious Muslim, whose attitude about women was very different. Love trumped prudence; the annulment process was instigated by her six months later.
"Imagine a religious fundamentalist married to an agnostic. One would have to pray that the fundamentalist doesn't open the Bible and hit the page in which Abraham is willing to obey God and slit his son's throat.
"Finally: Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being — the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?
"After I regale a group with this talk, the despairing cry goes up: 'But you've eliminated everyone!' Life is unfair."
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Ice Skating
Peter took me ice skating last Saturday at Taipei Arena, 小巨蛋 as it's affectionately known here.Considering my lack of affinity with sports involving skates/skis, it was an "interesting" experience. (read: yes I fell many times on my butt, get off my case already!)
Peter, on the other hand, can really skate.
Then we went to catch Gong Fu Panda the Movie. There was some event ongoing at the Mitsukoshi (新光三越) area and I got to hug Apo the Gong Fu Panda.
Feeling of fresh underwear...
You know how we take things for granted, like having fresh, clean underwear?
Well, I forgot to bring clean underwear (yes again) for the gym. And I hit the gym over lunch these days....
I comtemplated going without but didn't think my coworkers would take that too well.
Let's just say it was an icky afternoon and I left early.
Well, I forgot to bring clean underwear (yes again) for the gym. And I hit the gym over lunch these days....
I comtemplated going without but didn't think my coworkers would take that too well.
Let's just say it was an icky afternoon and I left early.
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