How to deal with betrayal

Ideally you see someone's true colors, find it unpleasant and make a beeline for the door.

Now how do you get rid of a lousy ex-friend who hasn't changed (still very much a taker & not shy about it) who's still hanging around the same social circles with you?

My Christian values says clearly to forgive, suck it up & love. But I just can't - not for a lousy person. It's not like charity, you just reach out and help. She's not needy, she's just a unrepentant taker, unabashedly so.

Telling her to her face what I feel about her would seem unkind. So what to do?

The reason for the season is Jesus.

Have a blessed Christmas everyone. May Jesus be in our lives always.

Jin boh eng

Other than a handful of meetings with headhunters and a couple of interviews, I should be free & relaxed. But I'm not.

Reminds me of Parkinson's Law, which states

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.

Jin bo eng! Gotta go.

Mental note to self : no spicy food at lunch

Probably after being in Taiwan where with the exception of mala hotpot, is a very bland cuisine in general.

I now cannot stomach firey Korean or anything too spicy at lunch which is typically my first meal of the day.

Bleeh!

Almost Christmas

I spent the last weekend attempting to walk 50km.  I was greatly humbled, when I decided to quit at the 26km mark when we walked by Buona Vista MRT station.  The soles of my feet, my foot arc, my knees and shoulders were aching, but most of all, my right ankle was starting to throb real bad.  I figured, I could endure the pain and finish the walk, but since I was that close to home and my good buddies were quitting as well, I might as well throw in the towel.

Walking, apparently, isn't all that easy.  I thought I could go on and on... My aged body didn't think so.

I've hung up the Christmas wreath, I've gone to Penitential mass, now it's time to prepare my list of blessings this year.  So here goes :
- traveled a fair bit in 2010 : US, India, HK, Shenzhen in China, Krabi again.
- my mom and I are friends now.  It's truly amazing.  I enjoyed India with her!
- my health is good and I'm healthier/sportier amongst my hardcore buddies.
- my hardcore buddies who are nice enough to know when to suck it in and when to buy me lunch.  Aww...
- the really smooth transition back to Singapore while balancing the demanding job in Motorola.  I love my car!
- enjoying the break and catching up with friends in a relaxed way not possible with a full time job.
- upgrading my status to Aunt-to-be cum godma-to-be with Ian & Michy's baby. 
- my family & friends who stuck by me through the icky times all thru the years.

Through the eyes of a tourist

I've been playing tour guide, showing Ashley around.  We had bak-kut teh then we had drinks at the Marina Bay Sands.  MBS I think that's what it's known as in short.  Place seems ok, if they were attempting at sophistication, then it's not quite there.  They did however, reject our entry to the top floor bar on account of my flip-flops.  I pleaded Ashley's Taiwan-ness to no avail.  They did accept my running shoes (thankfully kept it in the car).  It was a rainy day, and the bar was full.  So we settled ourselves for a drink at the downstairs lobby lounge. 

Tomorrow I need to take her to Sentosa.  She seems to know exactly where she wants to go, makes my job easy :)

I'm baack, anyone missed me?

I needed a break from writing, not from a lack of content (I believe I can rant endlessly) but to calm myself down a little.

It's been rough of late. Emotionally, on the job front, and also I guess adaptation - much like a delayed reaction to my return to Singapore, straight into the thick of action.

I took 2 trips since quitting Motorola. India was another one of my longtime dreams, to see the Taj Mahal. And it was everything I imagined it to be, and way more! http://www.flickr.com/photos/8062670@N07/sets/72157625460539261/

Since my return, I've been surprisingly busy. There're still the sport activities with friends almost every night and in the day time, it's been either errands, or catching up with friends over lunch. Amazingly, it wasn't til Thu and Fri (yesterday & today) that I finally had a chance to sleep in.

I've still got a few more appointments to keep, IPL with Karen and I need to go shopping. Firstly to get a royal blue dress for Jo's wedding - I am to be Chinese MC & also 姐妹. Of all the friends I've done this for, this one should be the most fun. Looking forward to that.

Also on my to-do list : Christmas shopping. I tried, I honestly did. But it is too overwhelming walking the malls. A friend is going to donate $ she typically spends on Xmas gifts to charity this year. It's a little bit of a defeatist attitude in my case, but honestly, it sounds more practical.

On a break

The writer is taking a 2 week break.

Back mid Dec for more exciting adventures of life in Fel-land.

On the cusp of a new life

This is it.

I'm once again, out on a limb.

Will it be a chance for a rest or will it be anxiety-stricken holiday season?

Tune in next episode!

Yesterday & today

Writing the date this month (quite a few days) feels totally binary.

E.g. today is 11/11/10.

-__-

The price of friendship

People are strange creatures. We are never happy.

Not too long ago, I was in Taiwan and hardly any friends. I was lonely.

Now I am surrounded by friends. But being around people brings with it the complexity of human relationships and in a few instances, brings back past hurts that I need to deal with over and over again.

Sigh...

Women Retreat at the St Ignatius spirtuality center

I declined the climb til your fingers break weekend with the gang.  And opportunistically, got an email invite from Diana Koh to join a long weekend retreat for women by women lay spiritual directors.  Since I am in a state of flux, I thought, perfect, time to spend the long weekend in deep prayer with God.

 

I admit, I wasn't good.  I checked in, found myself short of cash to pay for the weekend.  Right after lunch, I snucked out to the nearest ATM, ate ice cream by Ice Creamery nearby before returning to church reluctantly.  I snucked in naps during personal reflection time etc.. Alright alright, the solitary got to me cos it was a semi-silent retreat.  Which means, we did not talk at all the whole 3 days!

 

But I gained so much and am so glad I took the weekend out.  Especially :

• Ignatian contemplation is interesting.  I need to go find out more.  I always thought it was too severe or too tedious.  That God loves us and WANTS us to draw near to Him, why bother to make it so tough?  But there are some interesting points Diana brought up. 
• That prayer is quantity time, not quality time with Him.  Just give Him the time and who's to judge quality.  Which is so true.  Esp for someone who prays at the end of the day like me, it's like giving God the scraps from the day... ouch.
• And I had abandonment issues.  Whew!  That while I will accept love, I do it to a limited degree only as an internal mechanism to protect myself.  This is a result of my dad dying on me!  Well, I'm sure he didn't choose to die on me... but nontheless.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abandoned_child_syndrome  So some of the symptoms are listed here... I have a close friend whose parents divorced some years back.  I'm pretty sure she suffers from this.  She displays some of the symptoms (different from mine) listed.
• That our God loves us very much, each and every one of us.  And that He loves us in numerous ways everyday, in the sunrise, in the morning breeze, in the bird's chirping. 
• One of the presenters taught us this.  Be aware always, and to choose love, choose life, choose Him.  It's from Galatians... I'll need to refer to my notes later.  Her point is, in everything we do and say, be aware and choose the response that is for Christ/for love.  So if you start an argument with a family member e.g. choose the path that ends with love, perhaps give in even if you are right.  Which I really liked cos I've been struggling with this for a bit.  I feel we ought to be encouraging and supportive of each other, ie choosing life and love.  Not do the typical Singaporean talk which is somewhere between sarcasm and taunting.

Final word on which ministry.  I had expressed fears to my assigned SD that I did not want to return to my old ministry mostly because I have recurrent nightmares about returning to life circa 2007.  She said that sometimes the ministry you are in is required by God - as a gem being polished.  Hmm... Never saw it that way.

 

O and about returning to life circa 2007, fact is I have changed.  I'm not the same Felicia I was pre-Taiwan.  Sure I remember the past hurts and all, but I've taken it all in stride, changed and moved on.  Just dislike it when people from my old life assumes they know me well.

 

More later, I'm busy >_<

I have tendovaginitis?

My right hand ring finger & left hand middle finger are both rather sore from overclimbing.  Saturday's climb session in particular was pretty bad seeing how the soreness which usually recedes after a day or 2 did not, despite my taking enough care to ice the tweaked fingers on Sunday morning.


I skipped the usual Tue climb night pleading that my fingers need a break.  Ms Hardcore expressed concern and even did some research for me.  She sent me an email saying that I have a condition called tendovaginitis.  I reprint excepts from her email :


Tendovaginitis is the inflammation of the tendon and its surrounding sheath, also known as the synovium. Some tendons are covered by the sheath but there are others which are not. The synovium produces a small quantity of oily fluid that is released in between the tendon and its overlying sheath. This oily fluid helps the tendon to move smoothly and freely as it pulls on the attached bone.
The common signs of tendovaginitis are pain, swelling and tenderness on the affected joint. In most cases, movement of the inflamed joint must be reduced immediately to allow healing to take place. At times, the pain lasts for a couple of days and goes away without any need for medical treatment and medication. But in other instances, the pain and swelling continues for months especially if the injury is left untreated


If you're thinking, aww, your friends care so much.  Think again.


Jo nagged me so after the climb, we found a 24hour clinic nearby the coffee shop in Yishun.  And she was sweet enough to accompany me to see the doctor. 


We had this really young-ish male doctor.  He muttered something like he didn't know what to write as diganosis.  So in a ta-dah moment, I offered him help, whipped out my iPhone and found that very helpful email on the condition I have.  He did very well not to burst into laughter.   Then he wrote tendonitis on a piece of paper for me and said he assumes my vagina is fine - just the finger that's hurting.   >_<


Of cos Jo laughed hysterically all the way back to the carpark.  Bet she's telling Eric and they're both laughing again.


I need new friends. 

Squashy feeling...

All Saints day at noon mass in Novena church.  Warden goes - can we squeeze so we can fit more people in each pew please?... Felicia ends up praying like a T-Rex.

All souls day at evening mass in St Mary of the Angels with mom so we can visit Pa's niche afterwards.  Church was packed even though we arrived early.  Probably cos of the blessing of the niche service after mass.  Mom went to chope us seats while I visited the bathroom.  Again, Felicia had to pray like a T-Rex with her bag on her lap the whole time.

I wanna roar now!  Gimme space!  I am feeling claustrophobic!

Immigrant Job Gains, Native-Born Job Losses

I have a feeling, Singapore is the same case.
http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/02/foreign-born-job-gains-native-born-job-losses/

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.

Tweaked fingers

Swollen finger.  Ow, ow!

Tried icing it down on Sunday but it is still painfully swollen.  Ironically I hurt it first during river tracing in Taiwan flying down a waterfall badly.  Must've splatted the hand against a rock. 

Everyday is sports day

I remember someone who meant something to me at that time, ask me "does everyday need to be sports day?"

Ironically, it's where I am today. 

Monday - Macritchie trail run then play badminton
Tuesday / Thursday / Saturday - Climbing
Sunday - Cycle East Coast

Leaving me only Wednesday nights for now since I still have the PLT meetings to run and Friday nights to recover

Whew!

The day my neglected/forgotten faith collided with my world

I've been back in Singapore some 3 months now, but have not gotten around to thinking/working towards rejoining ministry nor meeting up with Sister Lily.

I did however, sign up for a retreat over Deepavali after receiving a very timely email from Diana Koh.  Plan was to use that as an opener.

But God has His own plans, on His own schedule.

After lunch time mass at Novena, I bumped into Gwen.  She was really warm and excited plus a little annoyed that I didn't tell her I was back for good!  Wanted to throw me back into my old ministry again!  She kept repeating, we need young people, even after I leaned closer to say I ain't that young no more! 

While talking to Gwen, I spotted Sister Lily.  Very unexpected that she would attend Novena church lunch time mass - since it is so far away from her place of home/work.

I promised Sister Lily I'll come by her home so we can catch up and talk.  And promised Gwen that yes, I will catch up with her as well - as for returning to Cafe, well, let me think and consider about that.

Nike City 10K race results

This year's Nike race pits our northern neighbours versus us.  Interesting.

Naturally Singapore won overall.
http://nikerunning.nike.com/nikeos/p/nikeplus/en_SG/plus/#//challenges/detail/538217368

Also my 2nd race since back on home soil.  I am glad to help contribute my 10k worth of sweat towards Singapore.  And am glad to run faster, making up for the slow race at the Sheares bridge.
http://www.nikecity10ksingapore.com/tools/results/index.php

Majulah Singapura!